April 2008 Archives

percypig.jpgOne of the things I love most about England is Percy Pig. See him there, to the left? He is adorable, and he is delicious. Percy Pig (and sometimes his gaggle of barnyard friends) can be found at Marks & Spencer, usually near the checkout line. Or queue. Percy is not only the cutest gummi critter ever created (who wants to eat a cola bottle?), he smells like Japanese erasers and tastes like a raspberry marshmallow, if that raspberry had just frolicked with a strawberry in a cranberry bog. I'm assuming he's a pig because he's made out of gelatin, and gelatin comes from, y'know, pigs. Specifically, from the collagen extracted from pork skins or bones. I know. I've been trying really hard to stay away from the stuff. Then, Percy comes squealing back into my life with that cute little mug and that sweet, sweet smell, and I just find him so hard to resist! He was a gift, too. Gifts should be enjoyed, right?

What you see above is the very last Percy. I put him in a plastic bag and locked him in a cupboard because I took down the rest of his pig brethren in a swift and total masticating massacre earlier this afternoon (I figured I should chew them instead of my fingernails during the Great David Blaine Breath Stunt on Oprah--see below). Sadly, now Percy's time has come. To honor his great sacrifice, I'm making a pact with myself to steer clear from gelatin-skin-n-bones products from here on out. I'm doing it for the love of Percy.

God speed, li'l fellow. Yum...that's a good pig.

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Congratulations, Mr. Blaine. You did IT!

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Dear David Blaine,

Gettin' excited about your appearance on "Oprah" today? It's gonna be crazy! Holding your breath for more than 16 minutes?! Wowzers. You're so tough. Really. I used to practice holding my breath in the bathtub all the time. It's totally hard. I saw that movie The Big Blue and decided to be a free diver and a marine biologist when I grew up. The bathtub became my Olympic pool training facility. I'd put my watch on the toilet, shove my Sea Babies and their flower sponge boats aside, and fully submerge myself as soon as the glove of the red Mickey hand hit the big number 12 on my Official Disneyland Timepiece. The key is to let little bubbles of air escape every 10 seconds or so. I'm sure you know this already. Anyway, my best time was 1 minute 58 seconds, and when I couldn't top that time, I knew that I probably didn't have a future in the world of free diving (or as the wife of Jean Marc Barr, mon amour). Luckily, I saw Young Guns II a few months later and decided that being an outlaw was much more suitable for my desert location...as was Balthazar Getty post-Lord of the Flies.

Anyway, good luck! So, um, when are you going to get back to the ol' abracadabra?

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The new Tatty Devine collection is available, and I'm screamin' for these:

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Why not pair them with Bjork's new 3-D video?

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This page is an archive of entries from April 2008 listed from newest to oldest.

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